Personally I’ve never been one for new years resolutions. I’ve tried in years past but inevitably become disappointed when I don’t follow through. A perfect example of this is my bullet journal I received last Christmas which has a mere 32 pages of “life” from 2019.

Sidenote: this is where the business blog gets real. Like possibly uncomfortably personal, though probably more so for me. New year, new decade, new outlook on what I choose to share on MY business blog. And I’m so very tired of the curated fakeness bullshit that is social media. I’m getting real.

The last day of December, in the last day of 2019 – the last day of this decade, I woke with a panic attack. My chest felt weighted and I couldn’t get a deep breath, I couldn’t stop crying and didn’t know why. What the heck just happened? Life. Thanks Universe, for that swift kick in the butt that I need to make some changes, starting with my personal needs. Screw new years resolutions, I’m going to live a life of intention.

What exactly does that mean? I don’t have a concrete answer, it’s only January 8, 2020, I’ll let you know in the next decade. But what it means for today, for me and me alone, is to look more positively at life. To have gratitude, be mindful, have a more positive outlook, and most importantly to give myself grace.

A photography analogy comes to mind: as a photographer I’m always looking for the best light, the great light that brings beauty and truth to the subject without altering it beyond recognition. Perhaps just maybe this positivity that I seek is similar to that truthful light. You cannot have beautiful light without shadow, but you can’t let the shadow overcome the subject. Sometimes the best part of the image is that darkness that lends your mind to imagine what just might be.

Looking back at that bullet journal that I expected to fill to the brim with checklists and plans, I give myself grace. I look at it with intention and see 32 pages with notes on new and exciting projects with clients, plans for photoshoots, calendars of toddler adventures, zentangle and mushroom doodles, checklists for website and business development, and words of wisdom from some stellar teachers. Freaking gems when looked at in “the right light.” If I’m being honest, 2019 still wasn’t my favorite year, but they can’t all be “winners.”

Hmm, this blog post was intended to be more of a year in review in my business, thoughtful notes of all my amazing clients, appreciation for my new creative outlets of personal brand photography, and a shout-out to the awards I received this year… but it turned far more personal and less work-ish. But, giving myself some grace again, I’m getting better about being ok with the truth that this business is ME. Which means this is what my business is going through right now, 12 years of hard work – growing with intention. I’m excited for the new decade and all its possibilities, and to put a bit of real-honest intention back into the internet with this lil ole blog.

Oh, and here’s some of my favorite images from 2019:

(if you are having problems viewing the slideshow, you can also view them below.)